Letting Go

Well I know I do now, but initially I wanted to hold on, hold on, hold on. To what you ask? To people, places, and things of course, Silly. For what? (I ask) To become a hoarder? lol In all seriousness, it was all for a sense of control. Control over my life. Control over incidences I most often had no control over. If I could go back in time, I would have made certain that I never fell, in order to prevent the strokes from occurring. Is that a “What If”? Hmmmm…

Believe me, once you start letting go, it’s like learning to ride a bicycle. It gets easier with practice. Same thing with positivity. Positive attracts positive.

Though there’s a downside to this, negative attracts negative. Negative conditions and beliefs that we’ve been raised in, keep the negative cycle going. We have to let go and undo everything that we’ve held on to.

I feel so much better, so much lighter, and much more positive. Why didn’t I do this sooner? Lol At least I learn from my mistakes. Regrets are “what ifs” too by the way. I have to learn to let those go as well (because I’m just human, I’m learning this as I go through life as we speak ~ and passing the information along to all of you, in hopes that it is helpful to you.)

Do I want to hold on to pictures or things that remind me of my recovery? To remind me of how far I’ve come? Does this really help me? I have memories in my mind for this. I’ll tell you what pictures do to me, they remind me of the strokes. That’s what they really do. It does not remind me of how far I’ve come.

I forget where I heard this from, I think it’s a Buddhist saying. It goes something like this: If you don’t need it, you want it. Let go of what you want. What do you need? Water (hopefully filtered), healthy nutritious food, clothes on your back, a healthy mind, body, and soul), and faith and belief in a higher power. The rest you can let go.

We’re just trying to hold onto the past, but how does it make us feel? I know how it makes me feel. Especially when I look at pictures or videos of my recovery of where I started from: bed ridden, in a wheel chair, a droopy right side of my face – it’s 95% back to normal except when I look up or smile, relearning how to do EVERYTHING (I’m still learning by the way), right sided weakness of my whole body (that still exists), how to walk, how to drink (thickened liquids [with nectar to thicken it] to thin liquids [regular drinks]), I still have trouble burping-if I have carbonated drinks, I get deathly sick and vomit because I can’t burp, “graduate” to a straw, etc. The list goes on and on. Whatever I just shared with you was all from my memory (thankfully). How do you feel reading this about me? Bad? Sorry for me/sympathy?

I prefer EMPATHY instead or that you can learn from me. The reason why I prefer this is it gives me a purpose, an option to better myself. Resilency comes to mind. Empathy allows me to move upward when sympathy just makes me feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’d much rather go up on a higher path to a purposeful life and to inspire others. To say a kind word, write a kind word, or perform a kind action, that’s what life is all about.

I don’t need pictures to remind me of the strokes, why would I want to remember that? To feel sad? Depressed? To have those feelings when I hold on to those things? Those things do not serve any purpose for me other than to bring negative feelings from the negative memories I have from the strokes when seeing these pictures/videos.

The 2 strokes should be the worst for me, but that’s up to me, my choice. I don’t want to continue punishing myself by holding onto negative memories. There’s nothing positive in my eyes trying to hold on to those things. All it does is make me depressed and hopeless. I’ll PASS on feeling that way anyday.

If I want to live in the present, I have to let go of the past. I have alot of sayings but this one says it all: If one lives in the past, they’ll be depressed. If one lives in the future, they’ll be anxious. So what message does that relay to me? Relay to you? When it really comes down to it, when we leave this world, we leave with nothing (not even the body). LIVE IN THE PRESENT.