A Different Perspective on the “Normal Life”

Do I want this? To live a normal life again? “Of course”, I think to myself. Where I’m rushing, rushing, rushing? Why does everything FEEL SO WRONG THEN?

I hate rushing. HATE IT. I’m rushing so much I never get to look around to see where I am or be in a calm state. I can never enjoy the journey on the way to the destination. I can never remember what the hell I just did. All I remember is just the way I felt, like I was riding a roller coaster. I hate roller coasters. I’m a fraidy cat who’s scared of heights.

I have to remind myself daily to SLOW IT DOWN. Obviously not too slow since I’ll get nothing done. But enough so that I can actually remember doing it and not be stressed doing it. I’ll actually enjoy doing it. Because I enjoy doing it, I’ll be more focused so I can do it better.

This is how my day started this morning: Being it’s so brisk outside, I decided to eat a nice warm bowl of oatmeal for breakfast at the kitchen table. Sounds nice right? But then all of a sudden, the thoughts in my head begin to race. What do I have to do today? What do I have to do this morning? Etc. STOP RIGHT THERE. SLOW IT DOWN.

How do I do that? Live In The Present. How do I do that again you say? Prioritize your tasks. Start with what you NEED first.We all need NUTRITIOUS food, water (considering our bodies are made of 70% of water), shelter, and clothing. Those are priority first, then everything after.

I think to myself, the oatmeal is so warm, nice, and soft. I swirl it in my mouth, tasting the flavors. It has a hint of cinnamon to it that gives a nice kick to it. On top of that, I put agave nectar. Hmmm, I feel like I can taste it right now. The agave adds a sweetness to it. As I sit there eating, I can actually say I’m at peace. I’m sitting crosslegged as I eat, enjoying the peace and quiet. Since I’m at the kitchen table, the whole room plus the kitchen is windowed, letting the sunlight in. I enjoy looking at the trees, all the colors the leaves are turning. It’s so beautiful with the sunlight shining on it. All I hear is the breeze and the birds chirping.

Some of you may be thinking to yourself, “um don’t you have things to do?” Of course I do, but in order to start the day off right, I have to make sure I feed myself to complete all those tasks. Like fuel in a car. A car needs gas in order to drive to the destination. If It runs out of gas, then it will never make it.

Since I’m on the TBI Waiver, I receive two hours a week of CIC Counseling. My Community Integration Counselor, Lynda (who’s awesome by the way), told me a story months ago. Maybe you heard of it, well here it goes.

Picture yourself on a plane. All of a sudden, the plane hits turbulence. The ride gets really bumpy. Everyones’ luggage starts falling from above because the doors that enclosed the storage opened up. People are screaming and crying all around you. You might be one of them. The oxygen masks drop down in front of you. Everyone’s frantic even more so now, including you. There’s a seven year old child sitting to the right of you. What do you do? Who do you give oxygen to first?

First inclination I thought of when she told me the story is “of course the child should”. Nope she said. If the child is given oxygen first, she said I’ll faint from lack of it. The child will never get oxygen because I’ll be unconscious already.

She said to me, “You have to give yourself oxygen first in order to give the child oxygen.” That seemed mean at first when I thought about it. “Wouldn’t it be selfish to give myself oxygen before the child?”, I thought to myself. After some time contemplating about this tricky situation, everything she said seemed to click and make sense. If I don’t give myself oxygen first, I won’t be conscious to help the child, or anyone else.

What I do so I don’t put too much on my plate is I’ll do one thing on my To Do List then I do something for me. What I call this list is titled I Love Myself List. What does this consist of ? ~ everything you love doing that relaxes you. What it does not consist of are things that stress you out and frazzle you.

One of the things that comes to mind that frazzles me out is going shopping. There’s always so many people. It’s so crowded. Sooo…what’s the word? STRESSFUL. Plus my walk has been effected, so my balance and coordination is completely off. And I get easily overwhelmed in crowds now. Am I gonna Fall? Is that man/woman staring at me? Are just a couple of the questions that come to mind.

All the things on I Love Myself List have a commonality. Can you guess what it is? The answer only includes one person. That being: yourself, no one else.

Some of the things that are on my I Love Myself List are: meditation, journaling, drawing, going to a quiet cafe to read my book, doing my nails, taking a nice scenic walk or writing on my blog 🙂 .

“Who has time for this?”, one may say. The answer to this is we deserve it (Which we ALL DO). Especially so we have a peace of mind in order to finish our To Do List efficiently. Everyone wants to remember the journey I hope. I know I do. And if you don’t get to everything on the To Do List, it’s not realistic to do it all in one day. Do the rest the next day or the following day. Enjoy the Journey. Remember to Love Yourself. Have a great day everyone.