Resilient Peaceful Positive Survivor

Good morning…damn it’s early lol…i wake up earlier now (@ 4 am but some days before then) and go to sleep way early (like at 7pm). This only happens now. Do you have this issue? Also another issue I have to mention…I apologize for not writing a blog more recently. I was blocked from accessing it all because I forgot my password lol. There seems to be a login ID and password for everything now a days. Too much for me to remember, especially now…Even before the incident, was hard to remember each and every login info. Are we supposed to write it down? (Nooo, not for me, I’ll PASS…thank you very much lol) Anyway, I got fixated on it, because I wanted to write a blog so badly…so I HAD to give up (and believe me that’s the last thing on my mind To Do) and distract myself with other things or else I was going on a slippery road downhill. I’ll write another blog in a couple hours, because I had another “One of Those Days” yesterday…the type that completely goes wrong and beyond my control, since the outside occurrences that went wrong are from my loved ones’ lives creating havoc on mine… I’ll explain more in depth in a couple hours. This topic definitely needs it’s own separate blog ~ To Be Continued…

You ever have one of those days (of more than 1) ? Ever since yesterday, I’ve been feeling run down and exhausted. I had so much on my To Do List too, but I don’t even remember what was on it (an issue I now have after the strokes). My memory fails me sometimes. Unless I write it down on my phone calendar, no matter how important, I’ll forget it. I remember one thing, to wash my car myself. It’s filthy. Did I do anything on the list? Zilch.

This is a saying I say when my days go nothing as planned, “It’s just one of those dayyyysss, that a girl goes throughhh.” It’s a great song from Monica, maybe you’re familiar with it. If not, you’ll love it.

https://g.co/kgs/tcWUfS

I did the minimal stuff yesterday and took it easy. Stuff that wasn’t on the To Do List, I did: I woke up, fed my cats, took my vitamins and supplements, ate, went to the bathroom, crocheted a blanket I’ve been working on, etc.

Even though I layed around all day yesterday and slept most of the time, I feel even more exhausted today, as if I didn’t get a wink of sleep. Why is that? I feel like an old woman, but I’m only 38 years old.

Moral of the story that I follow is, on days such as these, I try to do what I love. I do it automatically now and no longer think about it. If I’m tired, sleep. Listen to your body, it’s wise and trying to tell you something. Eat right, a nutritious meal that will give you energy, if not today, if not tomorrow, soon. I wasn’t going to write today, because I’m exhausted. But, we all have our days, even before our TBI. AND I feel it’s very important to see the not so great days in my life and how I deal with them.

Have a great day Everyone💗

Things are definitely not the same as before. I had more patience. I tolerated people and situations that weren’t good for me at all. How bout you?

This is a prime example of some of the positive/great ways that I live my life now, all because the strokes were the cause of it. I don’t want to go back in time, in order to have more patience and tolerance for sucky situations. If people or situations overwhelm me, stress me out, then I weed them out of my life. If it’s a family member that I can’t get rid of so easily, then I put strong boundaries between us and ALOT of distance.

Of course it’s possible with consistency and for one’s heart to not be worn on one’s sleeve. It’s easier said than done, and I can vouch for this 100%. But for my peace of mind and my happiness, it’s 200% worth it.

Remember we’re always in control of our life choices. ALWAYS. If you don’t feel you have a choice, well that’s because one was already made: You’ve decided to tolerate the stressful people and situations. But that doesn’t mean we can’t go in reverse, you still have that choice. What’s the saying? (I have too many sayings in my head lol) “It’s better late than never.”

Especially after the strokes, I have no tolerance for stress. Is it just me? When I was really, really sick, I was dependent on my family members and loved ones. Now that I’m not dependent on them, it’s like they got worse (my family), thus them becoming dependent on me.

That’s too stressful for me to handle. I can only handle my life, not worry about theirs’ too. In addition, may I add, my life is my life, not anyone else’s.

We’re only in control of ourselves. Have you ever heard of the serenity prayer? For those of you whom have, you’ll hopefully appreciate it again. For those of you who haven’t, it goes something like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

Awesome right? I abide by this in my life (And I highly recommend for everyone else to do the same). Some people may be familiar with this prayer as it’s in Alcoholics Anonymous. You’re offering me a drink? No thank you, I’m driving. Plus I’m allergic to alcohol, but thanks anyways.

All I can say is they have the right idea. Even Dr. Seuss had the right idea, he states, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” He taught kids the right idea when they were young too. If only someone wrote something like this for adolescents and adults, like an instruction manual for life. (Did they? I wouldn’t know) That would be really awesome, I’d guard it like it was a pot of gold.

It’s like a giant see-saw of emotions. On the one side, if we please everyone except ourselves, they’ll be up in the air on the see-saw “happy” and we’ll be on the ground on the see-saw “unhappy”, “miserable”, and to top it off, sometimes “crazed”. Vice versa, the opposite is true, we’re up in the air on the see-saw, happy as a clam, thus they aren’t.

Life is way too short for 1. Stress 2. Games 3. Anything that make’ s one unhappy. Obviously the 3rd one is a fine line, everyone please stay on the side that abides by the law lol. Its in everyones’ best interest.

Moral of the story: Be happy…Be response-able for ur life ~ in EVERY aspect ~ meaning you’re making choices and owning up to them whether it results in good or bad. Have a great day💗

Seriously, things were confusing to me way before the strokes, now it’s more confusing than ever. Lol Makes me want to pull my hair out, but instead I laugh (alot) about this, humor myself, and shake my head alot. If only people saw me, they would be shaking their head at me, thinking the same, and thinking I’m crazy.

It’s my first time creating a blog, and things are like a different language to me (everything seems that way). I get overwhelmed and confused easily (Very easily). I thought I wrote 3 blogs…butttt there’s three different sites; resiliency among the uncontrollable, a blog excerpt, and tbi stroke survivor 2017. HUH!?

I have to Google EVERYTHING. Guess what I did? I googled “what’s a blog excerpt?” It’s a summary of my blog? It still confuses me as of this moment. So what do I do? Instead of fixating on it, and feeling bad for myself, I move on. Now I’m writing my “First Blog” (lol) Hooray for me 😊 Now I feel good again.

This is just an example of what I do now when something confuses me. I just move on to something else I can do. What if we can’t so easily move on? Like it’s a job? Or if we’re determined to complete it, what do we do now? Or if we have to get it finished but we have to protect ourselves, what do we do?

The first two questions, the answer is: take a break. Focus on something else. Go for a walk. Take your mind off it. Do a different task, one that is no doubt in your mind that you can do it. Then go back to the initial task that confused you (not right away though).

Especially if you see yourself fixating on it again, it’s way too soon. You’re back to square one, where you started. What does fixating on something do? How does it make us feel? Down in the dumps? Makes one want to cry? Makes one feel like a failure? Makes one question all the “what ifs?” Then it’s definitely way too soon. Give yourself a break focused on a different direction for at least thirty minutes.

The answer to the third question: ask for help or have a loved one do it for you. Why put ourselves at risk for something so simple that we could do before our TBI? Because we’re determined to get better to the point we’re the same as before but now? I wish things were the same for me before the TBI. Guess what? I’m feeling sad now. Makes me think about questioning the “what ifs?” Do I want to go down that path? HELL NO. Trust your gut. You feel awkward/uncomfortable, sad, depressed? Turn the other way. Your going down a downward spiral too steep to climb up, one that you shouldn’t put yourself at risk for. Ask for help/assistance. If there’s no one to ask, STOP the task. Do something entirely different. Or if there is a loved one capable of doing it and willing to do it for you, ask them. They’ll gladly do it for you. Just never exploit yourself/put yourself at risk.

We’ve all been through alot, why punish ourselves further? Especially when we can help others in similar situations? Do we want them to see us as an example and follow us? Will that be productive for them? Answer me this, if it’s not productive for them, then how is it then the right path for you?

Have a great day. 💗

Hi! My name’s Rosalia. HHhhmmmm, what should I tell you? I’m only 38 years old. Life has thrown me plenty of curve balls. One of the curviest ones tossed my way was February 27, 2014, when I suffered two full blown strokes. It was a bit of a freak accident. I was completely healthy beyond text book healthy before the strokes. The strokes were brought on by me slipping on ice on my walkway, and hitting the back of my head, some time a month before. It wasn’t a major fall that made me think “let me get checked out”. It was a fall that I brushed myself off of, rolled my eyes, and got annoyed every time my mom and stepfather (both whom I reside with) pestered me; “Don’t fall asleep”, “Get checked out”, Etc. “Leave me alone”, I thought.

It was just after the holidays. I graduated Fordham University Graduate School for Social Work the Summer before and passed my licensing exam for social work in November 2013. I wasn’t working as of yet, just enjoying my freedom and the holidays.

About the time I fell, I should’ve gotten checked out. The fall was enough to sever/tear my spine in my neck area, causing a slow bleed in my brain. How was I supposed to know that though? I wasn’t working as of yet (planned to). Since I wasn’t working, I had no medical insurance, so I couldn’t get checked out without paying an arm and a leg. But I thought to myself, “who has that kind of money, not me”. I reassured myself, “It’s nothing, I’ll be okay”. How wrong I was.

Quickly I’ll go into what happened to me because I can spend pages amongst pages telling you, reliving it, going through all the “what ifs?”. That’s absurd, why would I do that to us? The fall caused a brain bleed, a hemorrhagic stroke, and then an ischemic stroke, both a month later. I was healthy as an ox (still am). I was very athletic (still sort of am but not to that extreme). I was a Recreation Director. When I had both strokes, it effected the left and the right cerebellum, thus effecting my speech (one of the many things I lost, and still to this day, I lost the pitch to my voice), my balance, and coordination. The strokes effected my lifestyle drastically, where I had to put up a fight to live. And that I did, I relearned EVERYTHING. When I say everything, I mean everything; how to walk, talk, eat, drink, drive, shave, cook, the list goes on and on.
Is life worth the curve balls? Especially this? Y-E-S Is it worth the fight? Y-E-S Am I Worth It? Y-E-S Are you worth It? I know my answer, what’s yours? Hopefully It’s three letters, and if not, not right now, but hopefully you’ll have a change of heart. (To Be Continued…) Have a beautiful day. I’m honored to still be alive and meet all of you. Be well, until next time we meet again.